Please don’t say “everything” because is that even
possible?
Haha.
(Note that I am not stating that any of the
suggested questions/discussions will/should be deal breakers.
I think that in regards to everything, a couple
should be able to work things out and accept each other as s/he is, especially
if they are married, however challenging it may be.)
What type of questions should be asked
(especially the ones that may not be so obvious)?
What do you think couples should discuss and
be able to agree and/or come to terms with in order to make marriage easier?
Some examples: http://www.nytimes.com/2006/12/17/fashion/weddings/17FIELDBOX.html?_r=1&ex=1324011600&oref=slogin
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As always, I hope to learn from the experiences of others
(especially those who have been happily married for 15+ years). All
experiences and perspectives are welcome. Feel free to subscribe, rate
the question you find useful/entertaining, share your thoughts, or even
suggest questions! Thanks in advance!
You can find other similar relationship/marriage based questions
here.
Comments (14)
I wish I had learned more about my husband's childhood. It would have helped tremedously in some areas.
I could should also know each other thologically. It will surprise you how many of your beliefes will be slightly different.
Before I marry a woman, I want to know how good she is in bed!
...
Just kidding :P.
You need to know that the one you love loves you unconditionally. You need to feel safe and secure in their love. A question to ask could be what would you do differently? This would give you an idea of what they learned from past situations and how they might react in the future.
Let's see ... Full credit history, Full criminal background check, Job history, Driving record, Financial statements for the past 5 years, How he voted in at least the past two presidential elections, Who does he pray to and how often, college transcripts, interviews with his current and 4 previous bosses, personal interviews with his closest friends, associates, and family members, school records from pre-K on up, interviews with his past teachers and professors....
oh yeah, and does he like Chinese, Mexican, and Italian food?
And which comic book villain is most like him?
And how does he treat his family, particularly his parents?
What was his childhood like, how does he treat/respect or not respect his mom, is he a believer and exactly what does he believe, is he a saver or a spender, what would be his child rearing style, is he lazy or hard working?
That is what I can think of off the top of my head. After that though, I would ask myself a question. Can I live with what I disagree with? If not, move on! Don't try to "change him". I also agree that how you feel is important. Do you fee secure and loved no matter what? SoOOO important! I know this from experience!!!!!
I've only been with my husband for 2 years. There's days when I learn something new about him and I feel... awkward. Like, I should ALREADY know stuff about him and when I discover something new, I feel kinda left out. But I read here a few people that have been with their spouses for 5+ years and they too learn new things about their mate, so perhaps I'm not stupid....
RYC: Thanks bunches for the comment on my son's pics
Before I got married, my minister wanted us to have some pre-martial counseling. There was actually a booklet we went over. Part of it was filling in a list of multiple choice answers about our values without telling the partner what we choose (at the time). This is evaluated, and results used during the counseling sessions with the minister, which has little exercises to go through. I don't think we found any big surprises for ourselves, but it did get us talking about things that we had just assumed before.
In terms of questions I wanted answered the biggest one is are you committed to a life time relationship with me. I was not interested if this is not your perspective on life. I feel if you are willing to make this commitment then you can work a lot of things out that may otherwise destroy a marriage.
As my husband and have different beliefs, it was important to know that he could accept my faith and the fact that it was a big part of my life. In turn I agreed never to force him to change his beliefs, (that is you have to do this for me) though I let him know I hoped he would.
Another important one was whether we wanted children. Personally I didn't, but if they did come along how would we raise them.
And of course do you love me how I am, and can I love you as you are. This should be a given before you are even considering marriage.
My perspective will be totally different than most you have recieved. I had 30 wonderful years with a man that I had dated for about three weeks before we married! I had moved from KS to TN, so it was like a completely different culture. People here didn't talk the same, ate different foods, etc., etc. But we both loved God with all our hearts and, when we took our vows, we meant them -- our love wasn't just an emotion, it was a complete commitment. The learning process about each other was after we were married, but I don't remember it creating any special problems. I think God and commitment are the key elements to a happy marriage.
wow. you gave me two eprops but you didnt leave a comment. haha. :p
I should say at least one more thing:
Know the person's criminal record before you marry them. I know of one girl that I work with that didn't even do that, and now he's in jail for a year. Now she's screwed.
I read an interesting quote the other day:
One of the best wedding gifts God gave you was a full-length mirror called your spouse. Had there been a card attached, it would have said, "Here's to helping you discover what you're really Like!"
-Gary and Betsy Ricucci