Thursday, 22 May 2008
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What are some of the not-so-obvious mistakes that men/women make in a relationship?
Aside from the obvious mistakes such as being unfaithful, not communicating or opening up, not being honest and truthful, not being reliable, or possibly even being too jealous/over-controlling, what are some of the mistakes that can be avoided?From some of the stories I’ve heard from my friends, it seems that one of the most common not-so-obvious mistakes that guys make is that they stop trying once they’ve been in a relationship for a while. In other words, no more sweet surprises, no more fun outings, no more planned dates. It seems that the special treatments guys give to the girls they are trying to get with dwindle down to nothing once the chase is over. Believe me, from many girls’ perspective, this is a no-no. Even when the guys do finally come up with some sweet things for the girls, they only end up doing it upon request. Guys who still don’t manage to do anything even after their girls have requested (several times) often suffer the consequences. Nonetheless, doing sweet little things only when such things are requested does not earn you as many points. You have to want to and be able to do it on a regular basis (and of course, enjoy it! – especially because it will make your girl smile, laugh, and feel closer to you).
One of the common mistakes that girls make when they’ve been in a relationship for a while is that they no longer laugh at the jokes the way they used to. They don’t compliment the guys and boost up their egos every now and then. Most of the time, this is probably because they’ve heard the joke (or something similar to it) many, many times before. However, just as getting special treatments from our guys make us feel loved & wanted, hearing our laughs & compliments make our guys feel great. The difference is that guys usually won’t request it as we might request romantic date nights. Positive reinforcement and feedback make tremendous difference. Guys also need to feel loved and appreciated. =]
So yea, what are some of the not-so-obvious (or even obvious) things that can bother you in a relationship and what can be done to make it all better? (Note that you are also free to state some of the mistakes you may have made but could have avoided.) Perhaps we can all learn to avoid hidden pitfalls or at least not fall through as many!
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As always, I hope to learn from the experiences of others (especially those who have been happily married for 15+ years). All experiences and perspectives are welcome. Feel free to subscribe, rate the question you find useful/entertaining, share your thoughts, or even suggest questions! Thanks in advance!
You can find other similar relationship/marriage based questions here.
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Comments (12)
One not-so-obvious mistakes is when he makes excuses not to get together with my side of the family, yet expecting me to accompany him to his mom's house on every visit.
you generalized it already so most would fall under those mistakes.
:)
personally, i think it'd be best if one wont make the other person his/her world. meaning to say, dont let your world revolve around your partner.
one: bec. it'll get boring and suffocating
and
two: you'll end up losing yourself as an individual.
I think both of those mistakes come from complaceny - you got the person so why do you have to try anymore?
Some of the obvious mistakes can be instant killers to a relationship, but the not-so-obvious ones can kill the relationship over time, like a slow death. ~ L
You kind of hit on most of them with the big categories, but I'd say one mistake is not telling about your day anymore. I ask my husband how is day went or how was work and he says "Busy." I try to find out what he ACTUALLY DOES all day, and he is vague. It is frustrating to me because I really want to know - that's a part of his world I don't know much about and he just gets frustrated when I ask him about it. I'm not trying to pry or annoy him; I honestly want to know what went on for some of the 9+ hours he was there!
I think also talking negatively about your spouse to friends/coworkers/etc in casual conversations is a problem. Sure, we all have days we need to vent and we can vent to certain people - but I hear some people who ONLY say negative things about their spouses. Even if the spouse does something nice, they think there is an ulterior motive.
I still say "thank you" to my husband when he does things for me - open the car door, go to the grocery store, take out the trash. The little things add up and I don't want him to think I take him for granted. (This August will be 10 years of marriage!)
I think one of the worst mistakes that people in relationships make is growing a hard heart. It's hard not to be that way when our culture is so adamant about leaving someone the minute they make you mad. It's vital for both people in the relationship to keep a soft heart and always be ready to forgive.
This is a hard question because we all make so many mistakes in all of our relationships. We really can't help it, because we are sinful, selfish, human beings. That being said, if I had to say one thing I think I would say....expecting your spouse to be perfect (even when you know you certainly aren't!) and to meet all your needs. No one person can meet all the needs of another. And along with that, expecting your spouse to "make you happy". Happiness is a choice, not something someone can DO for you, and contentment is a state of mind we should all be striving for.
Blessings
Karen
Great answers thus far! Here is another:
Lack of time together - don't let your hobbies or work take over your life. Set aside time for "togetherness".
Thinking you can read each other's MINDS. We DO NOT have mystical powers. Thinking that an "I'm sorry" is all it will take to make it better sometimes. NOT taking time for yourself AWAY from each other.
After 5 years of marriage we still have difficulty with the mind reading and the I'm sorry part. We just try and make it work.
I definitely agree about the mind reading part. So many people have (high) expectations of their spouse that they never tell them about, and then when they don't meet their expectations they end up getting angry with their spouse. For example, getting mad at your husband for not doing the dishes after dinner. Well, was he even asked? We try very hard in our marriage to have honest communication at all times so one is never expected to read minds. And if someone doesn't read your mind and do what you want you are NOT allowed to get mad at them for it.
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Ummm, nice topicss. I might subbb at you xDDD. Anww thanks for the drop by at my page as well =)