My grandma once told me (and my cousin) that it’s okay to
get married once you’ve been with that person for 2-3 years.
Okay, fine.
It’s more like, in a way, she recommended that we get married after
being with that person for 2-3 years.
Unfortunately, we never got the chance to ask her why or to even
elaborate more on it.
I’m guessing that
the reason may be because this amount of time should enable us to get to know
each other quite well but yet to keep some mysteries for us to continue
learning about each other even after we’re married.
Although I’m sure that everyone has his/her
own reason for getting married at a certain time and there is no particular
“right” time that fits everyone, how long were you with your boyfriend/girlfriend
before you got married?
What do you
think the pro’s and con’s are for waiting a shorter/longer amount of time? Is it really necessary (or is it actually bad) to date for a long time before getting married?
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Part of a reply from
one of my featured questions:
"The problem with dating is that it is done all wrong. People get
seriously involved with people they don't really know well. They don't
get advice from parents, grand parents, or trustworthy friends. God is
not part of the picture, for if they would ask God, He would help them
find the right person."
-- JabezPrayer
http://weblog.xanga.com/charlieseros/645427979/do-you-think-living-with-your-significant-other-before-marriage-is-a-good-idea--why-or-why-not.html
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Comments (13)
We were together 2 years before we got married...
We weren't together for long, but we had been in communication with eadch other for about a year-and-a-half.
We were in communication for three months and dated another three before we were married. Many people told me this was too soon. But I believe there is a "perfect" time period that varies for each person. Some take years to come to that place where they know each other well enough to know they would work well together. Other people take months, etc.
I had tried dating other guys but each time, I knew almost immediately I wouldn't be happy with them. When I met my husband, we instantly clicked. I really liked him and loved talking to him. I could see myself with him in a way that I hadn't been able to with other guys. Unbeknownst to one another, we were both praying about taking it further. When we did start dating, we both just knew we would get married. The way we worked, talked, and fit together was amazing.
So I think it depends on the person, on the timing, and even on their knowledge of themselves/maturity level.
I'm not married, and don't plan on it for a long time, but to be honest I don't think there is really a good time. I mean, there are so many variables, because every person, and every couple, is very different. Again, communication would probably be a really important factor in this situation: I think that the two need to hash out what would be best, and weigh all of the ramification that will be made with a marriage in X Amount of Time. Obviously, matters such as age and things could definitely make this variable.
I know that for me, I want to be settled with my own life and career options before I begin considering marriage with a significant other. I would want to be able to take care of myself should things fall through with that other person, and not be left in a situation where I don't have a job that can support me, or a place to stay, and all of that jazz because though I would certainly do my best at evaluating the worthiness of my relationship and pray a lot and see how people such as my family feel about it, I want to be prepared, too.
we were together for three year.
We were together 2 years before we got married. We were young though (when we married - I was 20 and he was 22). He is the only huy I dated. On some levels, that's good and some, not so good. Looking back, I probably wish we would have waited a little longer. But by getting married so young, we matured and grew up together. We went through many lessons together that most people learn on their own as adults. I'm not sure if that's good or bad, but it gave us a strong relationship, I think. I agree that you should get input from people you trust and who know you well - it might help you get a better idea of the fit between you two. On the other hand, love IS blind and doesn't listen anyway!
We dated for five months before we got married. We have been married for twenty years this August, We just knew it was right, We saw each other everyday during that time. It was a real case of love at first site, I fall more in love with him everyday,
We dated 6 months and were engaged 6 months. So we knew each other for a total of a year. We were really young so I don't recommend it to everyone, but I am totally in love with my husband and we have made it through some rough patches that have made our marriage stronger. We have been married 8 years.
We were officially together for about three years before we got married, but we were only physically together (long-distance relationship in the beginning) for about five months. We've now been married three years. I think there could have been good things that came if we were to have waited and gotten to known each other better by actually spending time together before we got married, but I'm very happy with my relationship now.
If you think about it, some couples marry right when they meet each other, or get married like, a month after they meet. Some of them are perfectly happy even if they're married for twenty or so years, so sometimes I wonder if the amount of time that couples spend together is a factor that leads to a good marriage. I would imagine that couples who spend tons of time together before they get married and actually get to KNOW each other are more likely to have a happier marriage. So overall I think that it's a better idea to just wait it out for a while before you get hitched, but there are definitely exceptions to the rule. Even some couples that spend a load of time together before they get married end up in BITTER divorce... probably because they didn't have a solid commitment to cooperate together from the git-go.
My husband and I knew each other as friends for a while before we started dating. We were together for almost two years before we got married. We were young as well so its been wonderful and hard and the same time but then again I don't know of many marriages that dont take work to make it work.
We started dating in May, 2002; engaged-July, 2002; married-November 2002. I thnk it was a little different for us then some others as we had both been married before. We were brutally honest with each other about our pasts, our hopes and dreams and our expectations. And, we definitely knew what NOT to do in a marriage. We will celebrate our 6th anniversary this year. Oh, I'd like to add that we are HAPPILY married. Don't know what I'd do without him.
We met in college during our Junior year. We dated for 5 (yes five) years. We didn't live together. We were both on our own and had jobs. We learned to be independent of our parents and to be confident in our own abilities as adults. By learning to live alone, we brought a strength to the marriage that some people lack. There are those that can't stand alone - they must always have someone to lean on. We were equals supporting each other instead of a cripple and a crutch. That is a valuable asset in a marriage. So yes, waiting and getting to know the other person is important but it is more important to know yourself.
p.s married in 1983 - still going strong!