What can we do as a society to lower the divorce rate and help cultivate meaningful relationships?
I think that people will have different opinions regarding this as I am not even sure if some will share my viewpoint on marriage. I think that some people jump into marriage without really knowing what they are getting themselves into and just hope for the best. I think that some may not work as hard as they should in maintaining open communications and really getting to know and accepting the other person as s/he is. Instead, some people get bored and look elsewhere instead of cultivating their relationship. Instead of finding out the needs of their partner and working on meeting those needs, they look elsewhere to satisfy their own needs. Marriage (or even a relationship) becomes disposable and replaceable as our society emphasize on our own betterment and self-gratification as oppose to dedicating ourselves to God and our spouse and family. Some people may think "Is this the best I can get? I deserve better than this. I want more." as oppose to "Is this the best I can be? What can I do to help? How can I give more?" Thinking "me me me" and "more more more" as well as getting what you want doesn't necessarily solve anything, sometimes it will only lead to problems. I guess this site is my way of hopefully increasing the likeliness of
couples to stay together though thick and thin and even mediocre
circumstances.
Then again, of course, there are special circumstances where a spouse ends up being abusive (physically, verbally, and/or mentally) and that's just something no one should go through....
What are your thoughts on this?
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Note: As always, I hope to learn from the experiences of others (especially those who have been happily married for 15+ years). All experiences and perspectives are welcome. Feel free to subscribe, rate the question you find useful/entertaining, share your thoughts, or even suggest questions! Thanks in advance!
PS. I might have sent a friend request to you if you answered the Featured Question (see previous entry) and have Friends-lock. I did this so that I can read your whole answer. =] Thanks!
Comments (16)
In the last 3 years, I've been to weddings for about 10 of my friends. 2 of those couples are already divorced. Why? The first couple got married (I think) because it seemed like the next step in their relationship. You date for so long, then you get engaged, then you get married. I think they liked the "idea" of being married, but didn't really understand the commitment involved. The second couple had problems with drug abuse, so their divorce is not quite as weird.
In general, I think that because divorce is so accepted in society, couples choose it as a way out instead of working through problems. And, I think some people go in to marriage thinking that if it doesn't work out, they can just get divorced.
Getting divorced has never crossed my mind (married 2 years), and I think that makes a huge difference when you're trying to sort out problems.
Thanks for coming by my site
This is a great topic, too.
I think that the divorce rate is so high because the idea of marriage is better than actual commitment of marriage. I know for Erick and I the first 4 years of marriage were perfect. Promotions, raises, travel, everything we wanted we got (not speaking of material things) - complete perfection, complete fairy tale. After that the next 4 years have been filled with "real life" births, deaths, illness, depression, and extreme heartache. Being together in the good times was easy, being together in the tough times at times was really hard. We have really used the "in sickness and in health" and the "good times and bad times" clauses of our marriage. At the end of the day we're both on the same team and working for the same things.Â
We have a lot of friends who are divorced, and the reason they are divorced is that they are no longer on the same team. Its that simple concept of being it it together, that works for us.here in the philippines, we don't have divorce so some couple just commit adultery. sad.
I admire people who value marriage. kudos!
oh i agree with your comment to me.
You do eventually learn how messy the person is but i know a couple who didn't live together and he didn't realize what a slob she was capable of being. that's all i really meant.
Ha ha, wow. Are you married? A whole page devoted to marriage and love..... Thank you for commenting, I appreciate it. : )
I liked some of the things that you had to say.
With the way that so much of society is it seems as if there could be another Hitler and much of us as americans wouldn't care. People think that all they have to worry about is themselves. Like you said....me me me. I did a post about drugs before the one that you see now on the page. Someone said something like, -Frankly, such topics do not interest me- If you would, and have the time, look at the drug post and see what it is I'm trying to say. Drugs kill a whole lotta people. Yet this person didn't seem to care. Basically stateing that he only cared about himself. But how would he and others with similar uncareing personalities toward others react if their spouse decided to do drugs or turned suicidal? Would they casually say, "Well it's your life, do what you choose. Who am I to tell you that what you are doing is wrong." ? ( < Such statements seem to come from a nation of people that do not respect God....interesting thought) On to the Hitler thing....If a Hitler popped up in the U.S. of A, would these same uncareing people be their to stop his tyrrany or stand by and watch others die ruthlessly. Would they not be guilty somewhat for their I am my own person and that's all I care about attitude?
I think the only reason that my grandparents marriage has lasted like it has and will continue to do so, is because they followed the Bible guidelines concerning such. I think as people get away from God, then divorce rates will continue to rise. I guess if you look at the nation that my grandparents lived in you will see what it is that I'm talking about. People back in their day, did not get divorced near as much as present. But consider this. They were also more spiritually minded. I see the connection. ....And I hope others will as well.
Thank's again. Have a great day!
By the by, you have a new subscriber.
Hi. I saw your footprint. Nice blog. Looks real (not xanga-ish)
I think you are right on with this. You know...love is a conscious decision. It is not something we "fall" into, but rather decide to do. Today it seems people go into relationships with "If only" and a million conditions attached. It is not accepting what you want in the future, it is accepting what is.
No one is going to change because you want them to. Rather than looking at what we want to see, we need to look at the reality. Somehow, as a society we need to see that marriage is not a game, you don't pick up your bat and ball and go home when the game doesn't go your way.
We are realizing disposable does not work for the environment...it shouldn't describe a relationship either.
I'm so glad to see one comment that refers to the accepted expression "fall into love". I've always found that to be a bit disconcerting. When we speak of falling normally, it's not necessarily a good thing. My choice has always been to think of it as 'rising' into love and we can only do that one small step at a time, as we gain admiration of our intended spouse through prolonged exposure. Too many start at the wrong end of marriage - with intimacy - and end up disillusioned. Better to start with a deep and trusting friendship and save the rest for last!!! Blessings to you.....
Maybe drug rehab would help. I hope it would. They might have clinics listed in the yellow pages. And him being out of himself might not like the idea. But I think that it would be good for him if he could get over it. Mistakes aren't neccessarilly good. But if we can learn from our mistakes and teach others the wrongs it may turn out for the betterment of multiple people. I hope that somehow he can get better.
Thanks!
-Sean-
what do you mean by the "benefits of living together?"
Hi, of course I was delighted to share thoughts with my post. So, you're welcome.
As far as the issue you've stated above, I think one of the biggest reasons for the high divorce rates nowadays is that people kind of think that once they're married, they can kick back and quit trying so hard, because they're Married, right? I mean, it's like when you're dating, you try a little harder to be presentable and you obviously want to show that you care about the person and all that. But people don't realize that marriage is still a relationship that can easily become destroyed if you don't continue working at it.
Plus, people just don't know what they're getting themselves into. I mean, marriage can have a lot of complications (kids, jobs, etc.). It looks so wonderful while dating, and at first it really is. Until life begins to barrage you.
Successful marriage (and dating) is complex, and though I'm pretty young and don't plan on marrying in a long time, I think I'll subscribe. This is interesting. :)
Oh - that's a really good comment. I extra agree with the part "they can kick back and quit trying so hard, because they're Married, right?" I do think that is exactly what happens in some circumstances. In fact, I think I do that from time to time....
We live in a day and age of "Have it YOUR way RIGHT away....2, and when problems arise, we decide that this isn't what we ordered, and decide to take it back and dispose of it. Love has become shallow, commitment has become what we see TV and the rest of the MSM deliver to us (which, if you look at Hollywood Divorce rates [Liz Taylor on hubby #8 or #9????], are skyrocketingly high and always have been), and God has become a point of mockery, let alone any "vows" we made in front of him. Add to this the fad of "no fault" divorce, and you get why marriage has become -- or is becoming -- passe'...
i just love this site! ive only been married goin on 2 yrs, but i have been there. wanting more, wanting something different. honestly, ive never acted on my feelings to stray..... and am still fighting the urge to "disappear" from my husband. but with gods hekp (n the creator of this site) i prevail everyday. thanks SUCCESSFULLYRELATE!!