Friday, 29 February 2008

  • Do you think living with your significant other before marriage is a good idea?

    Edit:  Woohoo!  This question got featured!  =]  Please read "About Me" for more information regarding this site.  Feel free to subscribe if you have ever felt the way I do (eg. scared/curious about marriage because of the experiences of others) or are willing to share about your experiences.  Contributions, comments, and feedbacks (on any of the entries) are always welcome as this site is meant to help people.  Thank you!!
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    Do you think living with your significant other before marriage is a good idea?  Why or why not?

    I realize that by now, most people actually have lived with their significant other before they get married.  However, I suppose I am a bit more traditional in the fact that I rather not.  What are your thoughts on this?  From your experience, what are the pro's and con's?


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    Repost of a previous featured question:

    "What makes a happy marriage?

    I don't believe there is either one single aspect that "makes a happy marriage," nor a formula that works for all marriages. 
    James and I have a happy marriage, thus far, because we are are able to compromise effectively when we disagree, we don't take the other's random bickering to heart, we equally share domestic responsibilities, and we are able to communicate our feelings both respectfully and firmly. 
    I also believe that living together before marriage is a great relationship builder.  I realize that some people think this immoral, and that's fine for them, but then I also knew and dealt with his little idioscyncrasies two years before we married.  I went into our marriage knowing that he wears socks to bed, grinds his teeth at night, leaves the toilet seat up, sucks at handwashing dishes, washes his colored and white clothes together (which I have remedied), and pours canned spinach, including the juice, over his penne pasta. 
    Likewise, he went into our marriage knowing that I hog the bed, need to fall asleep to television or radio, have a paranoid phobia of fire, hate clutter on desks, that "I am never wrong," and procrastinate at times.  Had we learned this after we got married we may have had a rocky start. 
    People may think this takes the fun out of getting to know each other as newlyweds, but "getting to know each other" should take place BEFORE you legally bind yourself to your spouse.

    Of course, sharing or respecting the other's ethical, political, religious, etc. convictions are important, but I assume that when one gets married they already know and respect their partner's fundamental beliefs.

    I just answered this Featured Question, you can answer it too!"

    --  SuperNintendo_Chalmers
    http://www.xanga.com/SuperNintendo_Chalmers/629753435/what-makes-a-happy-marriage.html


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    As always, feel free to subscribe, comment, rate, and/or ask (or even suggest) questions!  I will post up some suggested questions in the future.  =]

    Thanks for sharing!

    PS.  You can find other similar relationship/marriage based questions here.

Comments (10)

  • ckmunson

    Erick and I lived together for 2 years before getting married. I can see how it helps some and hurts some. For us it was a huge help. We joke that we were checking out the merchandise. :) In reality we both wanted to see if we could live together happily before getting married. Its expensive to divorce.... it was a serious consideration.
  • Lmoisan

    I didn't live with my husband before we got married.  However, he supported me.  He was in the army and deployed over seas.  I was in my last semester of college, student teaching.  I couldn't work.  He would wire me his paycheck every month.  I don't know if I would have lived with him if it had been a normal relationship.  But I knew that I could count on him and that he loved me because of his sacrifices prior to our being married.
  • joshx80

    no...b/c it would make them change their mind.

    hahaha...jk.
  • free_by_grace

    I have heard a statistic that those who live together before marriage end up with a 50% higher chance of divorce.  My wife and I did not live together before marriage.  I think having the commitment of marriage when you start living together can really help build a deeper strength in your relationship than otherwise.  It's great to know you're willing to work the rest of your life at making the relationship you have with that one person better and better.
  • Kecharagrl

    everyone made good points.

    I have been married for 5 years now. My situation is a little weird in the respect that my hubby and I ( along w/ another person) were roomies and not romantically involved at all when we moved in together.

    It's got pluses and minuses.

    The minus is, it's easier to walk away. There are many more little ones but that's the biggie.

    on the plus side:

    You can ( as said above) test the merchandise so to speak.. I'm here to say that men CAN be trained!  *grin*
    You will KNOW what you're getting into
    You will KNOW what annoys you. And your partner can discover what annoys them as well.
    Sometimes you can get all of your fighting out of the way.
    You can decided about your separate and mutual friends, AND ( more importantly) your possible In-Laws.We've lost some, but not all of the friends we used to associate with.

    In my opinion, I'd rather KNOW I'm getting the mother- in- law from another planet BEFORE I marry the guy. Thankfully I don't have this problem. I think you should live together for 6 months or more before marriage.

    As for the divorce rate, I can see that as well. But I think it has a higher chance on happening if you don't live together.
  • PumpkinLettuce

    I have no idea why MORE divorces would happen if you'd been living together before marriage...that makes no sense whatsoever. Personally, I can barely suppress and eye roll and a knowing sigh when people move in together after their honeymoon. If it's been a plot in a sitcom, it's a recipe for failure.
  • Oceans_Beautiful_View

    Congrats on the featured Q!

  • LilBillygo

    In general, it's not a great idea, it's like getting the benefits without the commitment.  Plus, couples who lived together before marriage are more likely to divorce than couples who never lived together before marriage.  However, I won't judge on those who have lived together and those who are today. 

    Just think about this, if children were to come along, and if the unmarried couple were to split up, how's that going to be a stable family for the kids? 

    To me, co-habiting just takes the fun out of the marriage.  :-p
  • simplyimpassible

    Aw thanks for the comment!

    I am glad to hear that you and I both have some important concerns and some self respect with that!
  • y_tc

    no, I think it's a bad idea, I still prefer the old fashion way of living separately before marriage and then together after marriage. 

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